NEW SENIORS EXAM – from our Educatun Correspondent, Prof Bill Baker

New Senior’s Exam, you only need 4 correct out of 10 questions to pass

1) How long did the Hundred Years’ War last? 

2) Which country makes Panama hats? 

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 

5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of? 

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? 

7) What was King George VI’s first name? 

8) What color is a purple finch? 

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? 

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass.

FOR THE ANSWERS click here

The Poetry of Golf – with thanks to Our Literary Correspondent, Mr S Bambury


In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, And Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.

By Its Size I Could Not Guess
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I’ve Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.

My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End;
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.

It Has Made Me Curse And Made Me Cry,
And Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises Me A Thing Called Par,
If I Hit It Straight And Far.

To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.

It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.

With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.

It’s Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows I’ll Be Back Tomorrow.

A recent study found that the average golfer
Walks about 900 miles a year.


Another study found that golfers drink, on
average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

This means golfers get about
41 miles to the gallon .

Kind of makes you proud. Almost makes you
feel like a hybrid.


A Thought for the Coming Christmas – compliments of the Seniors Sage, Mr. Roger Bates

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument, go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.

His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning.”

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.

The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.

The second guy says, “My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”

Number 3 guy says, “Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.”

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they all had lost their minds.

“I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I woke up, slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! It’s a great morning for either sex or golf” and she said, “It’s cold out, take a sweater”




1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?   116 years


2) Which country makes Panama hats?    Ecuador


3) From which animal do we get cat gut?     Sheep and Horses


4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November


5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of?     Squirrel fur


6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?  Dogs


7) What was King George VI’s first name?    Albert


8 ) What color is a purple finch? Crimson


9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?   New Zealand


10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?   Orange (of course) .


What do you mean, you failed?   Me, too!

(And if you try to tell me you passed, you is fibbin).  See me in my Study

Ode to a Satnav

I have a little Satnav it sits there in my car.
A Satnav is a driver’s friend it tells you where you are.
I have a little Satnav I’ve had it all my life.
It’s better than the normal ones my Satnav is my wife.

It gives me full instructions especially how to drive, It’s sixty
miles an hour it says You’re doing sixty five. It tells me when
to stop and start and when to use the brake and tells me that it’s never
ever safe to overtake.

It tells me when a light is red and when it goes to green it seems to know
instinctively just when to intervene. It lists the  vehicles just in front and all those to the rear
And taking this into account it specifies my gear.

I’m sure no other driver has so helpful a device
for when we leave and lock the car it still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling each journey’s pretty fraught
so why don’t I exchange it and get a quieter sort.

Ah well you see it cleans the house, makes sure I’m properly fed
It washes my shirts and things and keeps me warm in bed.
Despite all these advantages and my tendency to scoff
I only wish that now and then I could TURN THE BUGGER OFF!!

( Anon with thanks to R Bates for academic research)

August Quiz – Answer

Rules Quiz
Dave hits his ball from the tee just off the
fairway on the 2nd
. However, when they
get to where the thought it had rested no
one could find it in the short rough. Dave
wastes no time and while his playing
partners continue to search, he runs back
to the tee and hits another ball which he
declared as ‘provisional’. On the way back
up the fairway, one of his colleagues
shouts that he has found the original ball
within the five minutes allowed. Which
ball should Dave play?
a) He should play the original ball
because it was found within the
five minutes.
b) He can choose which ball to play,
(declaring his first ball lost)
remembering that his ‘provisional
ball’ will be his 4th shot
c) He must play the second ball.

Rules Quiz Answer The answer is c The second ball struck from the tee immediately becomes the ‘ball in play’. It can only be ‘provisional’ if struck while the player is still on the tee before going forward to look for his original ball.

Need Help To Remember Your Age?

Just in case you have forgotten how old you are –
this could help you to find out!
1. First pick the number of times in a week, that you would like to
play golf, – more than once, but less than ten [ 2-9 ]
2. Now multiply this number by 2
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50
5. If you have already had your birthday this year – add 1762, if you
haven’t add 1761
6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born [eg 1934]
You should have a three digit number –
The first digit was your original number,
The next two numbers are your age.
Oh YES it is !!!!!

(Stolen from the Donnington Valley Seniors Website)