Bloger Bates Proposed New Golf Rules for Senior Golfers

New Rules for Senior golfers:

 

Rule 1.a.5 – A ball sliced or hooked into the Rough shall be lifted and placed on the Fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the Rough with no penalty.  The senior player should not be penalised for tall grass which ground keepers failed to mow.

Rule 2.d.6 (B) – A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed NOT to have hit the tree.  This is simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game.  The senior player must estimate the distance the ball would have travelled if it had not hit the tree, and play the ball from there.

Rule 3.B.3(G) – There shall be no such thing as a lost ball.  The missing ball is on or near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone else, thereby making it a stolen ball.  The senior player is not to compound the felony by charging himself with a penalty.

Rule 4.c.7(h) – If a putt passes over a hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped.  The Law of Gravity supersedes the Rules of Golf.

Rule 5. – Putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in, may be blown in.  This does not apply to balls more than three inches from the Hole.  No one wants to make a mockery of the game.

Rule 6.a.9(k) – There is no penalty for so-called out of bounds.  If penny-pinching golf course owners bought sufficient land, this would not occur.  The senior player deserves an apology, not a penalty.

Rule 7.G.15(z) – There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard, as golf balls should float.  Senior players should not be penalised for any shortcomings of the manufacturers.

Rule 8.k.9(S) – Advertisements claim that golf scores can be improved by purchasing new golf equipment.  Since this is financially impractical for many senior players, one-half stroke per hole may be subtracted for using old equipment.

Rule 9.k.34(a): If a tree is between the ball and the hole, and the tree is deemed to be younger than the player, then the ball can be moved without penalty.  This is so because this is simply a question of timing; when the player was younger, the tree was not there so the player is being penalised because of his age.

October Quiz – with the Answer

A competitor, unable to find his ball after a shot of approximately 150 yards (300 yards in the case of Brian Reid) from the tee, drops another ball in the area where his original ball was lost and plays that ball. What is the ruling?

A- The player incurs a penalty of one stroke.

B – The player loses the hole.

C – The player incurs a stroke-and-distance penalty and an additional penalty of two strokes for a breach of Rule 27-1. He must rectify the error; otherwise, he is disqualified.

Correct answer: C

Explanation: It is not permissible to drop another ball where you think your

original may be lost, you must proceed under stroke and distance, i.e. play a ball

as nearly as possible at the spot where the original ball was last played, under

penalty of one stroke. As the player has dropped a ball and played from a point

that is approximately 150 yards closer to the hole than where he should have

done so, he has played from a wrong place. As his actions constitute a serious

breach of playing from the wrong place, he must rectify that error. See also

Decision 27-1/3.

When I’m Old and Smelly – a glimpse into the future researched by the Seniors’ Family Liaison Officer Gordon Blake

When I’m old and smelly, I shall not be alone,

In a pensioner’s flat or an old people’s home

Or take an apartment on some distant shore,

I’ll move in with my son and my daughter-in-law.

 

I’ll return all the joy that my son gave to me

When he sat as a child on his dear father’s knee.

He will welcome me willingly into his home

When I’m old and smelly and all on my own.

 

I’ll spill coffee on the carpet, leave marks on the wall

I’ll stagger home drunk and be sick in the hall.

I’ll sing really loudly and slam every door,

When I live with my son and my daughter-in-law.

 

I’ll rise from my bed in the late afternoon.

Throw the sheets on the floor and mess up my room.

I’ll play ear-splitting music well into the night,

Go down for a snack and leave on the light.

 

I’ll rest my old feet on the new leather chairs,

I’ll drape dirty underwear all down the stairs.

I’ll talk to my friends for hours on the phone

When I live with my son in his lovely new home.

 

I’ll come in from the garden with mud on my shoes,

Flop on the settee for my afternoon snooze

Expect that my tea will be ready by four

When I live with my son and my daughter-in-law.

 

I’ll leave all the dishes piled up in the sink

And invite all my noisy friends round for a drink.

I’ll grumble and mumble, I’ll complain and moan

When I’m old and smelly and all on my own.

 

I’ll watch television hour after hour,

I’ll not flush the toilet or wash out the shower.

Oh bliss, what a future for me is in store

When I move in with my son and my daughter-in-law.

NEW SENIORS EXAM – from our Educatun Correspondent, Prof Bill Baker

New Senior’s Exam, you only need 4 correct out of 10 questions to pass

1) How long did the Hundred Years’ War last? 

2) Which country makes Panama hats? 

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 

5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of? 

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? 

7) What was King George VI’s first name? 

8) What color is a purple finch? 

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? 

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass.

FOR THE ANSWERS click here

The Poetry of Golf – with thanks to Our Literary Correspondent, Mr S Bambury

 

In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, And Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.

By Its Size I Could Not Guess
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I’ve Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.

My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End;
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.

It Has Made Me Curse And Made Me Cry,
And Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises Me A Thing Called Par,
If I Hit It Straight And Far.

To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.

It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.

With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.

It’s Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows I’ll Be Back Tomorrow.

A recent study found that the average golfer
Walks about 900 miles a year.

*****************************************************************************

Another study found that golfers drink, on
average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

This means golfers get about
41 miles to the gallon .

Kind of makes you proud. Almost makes you
feel like a hybrid.

AND READ THE WISE WORDS OF THE BARD by clicking here

A Thought for the Coming Christmas – compliments of the Seniors Sage, Mr. Roger Bates

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument, go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.

His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning.”

Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.

The first guy says, “Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.

The second guy says, “My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”

Number 3 guy says, “Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.”

They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they all had lost their minds.

“I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I woke up, slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! It’s a great morning for either sex or golf” and she said, “It’s cold out, take a sweater”

PROPOSALS FOR SPEEDING UP THE RATE OF PLAY – Greg Phillips

It should be clear that these proposals are not aimed to get at anybody but to increase the potential enjoyment of all players. Much of this is common sense and already part of most player’s way of playing.

A typical 3ball could be round in 3hours 36 minutes if they spent 9 minutes on par 3s,12 minutes on par4s and 15 minutes on par5s.

FOR PLAYERS:

  1. We propose to play READY GOLF, you play when it is safe to do so, regardless of the traditional order of play. The aim is to keep close to the match in front rather than gauging your progress on the group behind. It is the responsibility of all players to be mindful of the pace of their group.
  2. Work out your next shot as you approach your ball and take your practice swings while you are waiting not over the ball.
  3. ALWAYS PARK BUGGIES/TROLLEYS ON THE EXIT SIDE OF THE GREEN. If you need a chip or a pitch take your putter with you.
  4. On the green don’t wait for the bunker to be raked but play on. If near the hole (3 feet) put out rather than marking and waiting. The first to put out takes charge of the flag.
  5. Move off the green straight away, marking cards at the next tee.
  6. Play a provisional ball if there is ANY doubt, we all know where the trouble areas are. Others should play before joining the search. The proposal is to have only three minutes to search/play the next shot.
  7. If you can’t score then pick up, unless it is a qualifying round.

Recommendations for the Course

This will need negotiations with the ground staff!

1.The first cut of the rough should be short enough always to allow for the ball to be seen/found.

  1. Greens should be smooth and true rather than fast and firm.
  2. The ground around trees and shrubs should be maintained at a decent level. Being near or in trees is penalty enough without losing the ball.

NEW SENIORS EXAM – ANSERS

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

 

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?   116 years

 

2) Which country makes Panama hats?    Ecuador

 

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?     Sheep and Horses

 

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November

 

5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of?     Squirrel fur

 

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?  Dogs

 

7) What was King George VI’s first name?    Albert

 

8 ) What color is a purple finch? Crimson

 

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?   New Zealand

 

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?   Orange (of course) .

 

What do you mean, you failed?   Me, too!

(And if you try to tell me you passed, you is fibbin).  See me in my Study