When I’m Old and Smelly – a glimpse into the future researched by the Seniors’ Family Liaison Officer Gordon Blake

When I’m old and smelly, I shall not be alone,

In a pensioner’s flat or an old people’s home

Or take an apartment on some distant shore,

I’ll move in with my son and my daughter-in-law.

 

I’ll return all the joy that my son gave to me

When he sat as a child on his dear father’s knee.

He will welcome me willingly into his home

When I’m old and smelly and all on my own.

 

I’ll spill coffee on the carpet, leave marks on the wall

I’ll stagger home drunk and be sick in the hall.

I’ll sing really loudly and slam every door,

When I live with my son and my daughter-in-law.

 

I’ll rise from my bed in the late afternoon.

Throw the sheets on the floor and mess up my room.

I’ll play ear-splitting music well into the night,

Go down for a snack and leave on the light.

 

I’ll rest my old feet on the new leather chairs,

I’ll drape dirty underwear all down the stairs.

I’ll talk to my friends for hours on the phone

When I live with my son in his lovely new home.

 

I’ll come in from the garden with mud on my shoes,

Flop on the settee for my afternoon snooze

Expect that my tea will be ready by four

When I live with my son and my daughter-in-law.

 

I’ll leave all the dishes piled up in the sink

And invite all my noisy friends round for a drink.

I’ll grumble and mumble, I’ll complain and moan

When I’m old and smelly and all on my own.

 

I’ll watch television hour after hour,

I’ll not flush the toilet or wash out the shower.

Oh bliss, what a future for me is in store

When I move in with my son and my daughter-in-law.